hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
