How'd it feel making her break her religion?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
