6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
