I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
