In the future we'll all be gay
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
