First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
