I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I need a beard to bite.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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