We named our party play list daddy issues
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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