I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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