Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
