Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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