Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
