I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
