to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This is my gift to your gina
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize