Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize