I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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