Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
