Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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