Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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