she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
