So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
