Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
