so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
