I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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