Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
