so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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