My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize