my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize