Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
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