my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
