Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
