3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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