There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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