She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
is it fun? or sober?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
