I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
