why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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