You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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