Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
