i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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