i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
