Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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