Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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