I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
