You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
