gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
