I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Your shirt... Was in my pants
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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