D3 body, D1 cock
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
