maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
