she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
