I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
