I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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