I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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