You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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