Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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