Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
