you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
