he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
