I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
