Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
