Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
