I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
