You can't special order awesome
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
