You really coming over, don't trick.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
