You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
