And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
